- Dreams, that I live everyday -

The dreams I have been waiting to be fulfilled, now I live all those with him, each and everyday.
I never feel I'm perfect unless I see myself through his eyes. Those eyes, I craved for years and years, and finally the quest ends with him. I feel the safest when he hugs me tight or put his hands around me to wrap me up, the warmth spreads from his to mine. His smell lures me every time to hug him tight.
Its just impossible to describe the feelings that rules my mind when I'm beside him. I see a new person every time when I meet him and fall in love all over again.
When his absence almost break me up, I touch the letters and try to feel the emotions penned down.

The last wish which I'll tell my children to fulfill.
This was the first rose given by him. ...I treasured it. I want to dedicate my last breathe to him. This will be the only flower in my hand when I'll be dressed all in white and lay dead in the coffin for my funeral.
I believe we will be united even after death and for the lifetime in the next.




                                                                                                                                                                                                        

- 40 rules for a happy & meaningful living -

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Memorize your favorite poem.
3. Don't believe what you hear, spend what you have and sleep all you want.
4. When you say "I Love You" mean it.
5. When you say "I m sorry" look into the eyes of that person.
6. Never laugh at anyone's dream.
7. Love deeply & passionately, you might get hurt - but its the only way to live life completely.
8. Don't judge people by their relatives.
9. Talk slowly but think quick.
10. When someone asks you a question you dont want to answer, smile and ask "What do you know?"
11. Remember that great love and great achievements involves great risks.
12. Call your mom
13. Say 'Bless you" whenever you hear someone sneeze.
14. When you loose, don't loose the lesson.
15. Remember the 3R's - Respect for yourself, Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions.
16. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
17. When you realize you have done a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
18. Smile when you pick up the phone, the caller will hear it in your voice.
19. Marry someone will love to talk to, as you get older conversational skills will be as important as any other.
20. Spend sometime alone.
21. Open your arms to welcome change but don't let go of your values.
22. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
23. Read more books and watch less TV
24. Live a good honorable life. Then when you get older and think back , you'll get to enjoy it second time.
25. Trust in God but lock your car.
26. A lowering atmosphere in your home is so much important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
27. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
28. Read between the lines.
29. Share your knowledge, its a way to achieve immortality.
30. Be gentle with the earth.
31. Pray.
32. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
33. Mind your own business.
34. Don't trust a lover who doesn't close his/her eyes when you kiss them.
35. Once in a year, go somewhere you have never been before.
36. If you make a lot of money, put it to use to help others while you are living. That's wealth's greatest satisfaction.
37. Learn the rules & then break some.
38. Remember that the best relationship is one where your lover for each other greater than your need for each other.
39. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
40. Remember that your character is your destiny.

- Those memorable companions, Friends! -

Life is so weird sometimes. The moment I learned what 'Friendship' is, everything started to tremble. The moment I learned that everyone is different and should be dealt differently as well, they started getting away from me.

St. Paul's Boarding and Day. The place was not merely my school with strict teachers, tough studies and lots of Friends. Yes, Friends. Those creatures actually made my journey possible in these two years. Every sadness, tear, failure and depression overcame with those silly jokes, stupid discussion and idiotic ideas.

But, today, I saw those ties breaking slowly and fading away.
"Best friends" are turning out to be "just friends". I don't want that. I really don't.
Everyone is different among us and unique as well. I would not have survived without 'any' of them.

I don't to call our precious 10+2 a 'history'.
I don't want to call them "Once upon a time we WERE friends" when people ask me whether I know that girl or not at whom I smiled back.

I want to have that 'unbreakable' relationship with them.
With all of them. I don't want to miss anyone.
I don't want anyone to change, be they are rude-mean-mad-cute-serious-lovable.
The way they always are.

I will miss them after few months when I wont have anyone beside me to share about my boyfriend, about my likes and bitch about everything.




P.S. I love you guys for whatever you are.
And, this is dedicated to Shalini, Wafia, Meera, Sonia, Jenny, Ruchika, Nishi and last but not least Vids! :')

- Oneliness -

Just me him ....Forever & Together!

22nd November:-

I was missing him in school the whole day, irresistibly and irrevocably. The Monday classes are very boring that too having an EVE exam! I almost ate up Vids' head that I am missing him. No one better than Vidisha can know how irresistibly you can miss your lover. At some-point of time, I, unknowingly, had tears in my eyes.

Anyhow, school got over. I was rushing towards the gate so that I can reach home as soon as possible and can hear his voice. As I paced towards, I saw a known face in front of me! The face I was missing the most! My eyes were craving for that face!

"Is it a dream?", I asked myself.

"Well, If so, then it can last another long time", I suggested myself.

But it wasn't a dream. It was my Love, who planned a hilarious surprise for me. He already said Nishi that he'll be coming to meet me.

We went to a cafe. the most romantic place that could ever be.

*Background music - main agar kahoon and after that it was Jao naa with yellowish dim lights*

My hands were almost  in his control. I seriously miss those 'strong hands' when there is no one to hold them mine. Probably, the first time in life I was so happy ...happily blushing ...grinning...and what not! 

He dropped almost till my doorstep. Yeah, almost there!

Thus, the day ended. Leaving me more impatient to meet him for another time. This is how we are. No matter how many times we meet, there's always an urge to meet him once again and again!

Love You babieee ..!

- Of rains and forever -

Life now just spins around only one person, that's none other than my love. I miss him in all the seconds which I live.
The peace in his arms, haze in his eyes, the assurance in his words and touch of his hands were something I would give up my whole life for. What a big amazement, that the more we meet we fall in love each time and the more we miss each other badly!
Our 2nd date together, on 7th October, was the special one. It was drizzling, it was cloudy, it was cold and misty - in short; the perfect weather to meet your lover. Movie spiced up our romantic mood more.
People face difficulties after falling in love and make the relationship more strong, but for us, we faced the difficulties before and made ourselves much more stronger to be firm in handling relationships and worth love each other.
Sometimes, a question haunts my ear, "Will God ever take away this gift of mine?" I dread for that day! I surely do. It brings a tear to my eyes. All I can is Pray! Whatever I have lost was less than what got back from my life.


Life feels different every time when he is with me and when he is not.
When he is with me - the whole world vanishes. I feel free. I feel relieved. I feel light. The feel of his arms and the cool breathe on my cheeks just lightens mood.

- Just meant to be together -

We started off a great journey together. The journey to eternity. The journey of long-lasting relationship. The journey to a difficult path, but intending to win every storm. The immense faith on ourselves and on Almighty, we will lead our way in every barrier. 

Our first official date together on 24.09.10.

The real sense of being together, I felt on this day. How to be with him, the sense of security when I held him close to me, the feeling of serenity when I placed my head on his shoulder and the vision of his eyes on my face was incomparable to anything in this world! 

We both craved for a cool shower of rain that afternoon, but that couldn't happen. To be honest, even walking in sultry sunny day, just holding his hands, I couldn't even feel the heat. There was an amazing shine on his face when I looked at him (obviously he didn't notice). I was even ready to walk another mile if he was ready to hold my hand like that. 

Initially, we weren't talking much ... somewhat feeling shy, blushed, confused and happy. When I first saw him, entering the "Fame" area with a white (blue stripped) shirt and jeans, he looked AMAZING. For a moment I was awestruck! Just wanted to look into his dreamy eyes forever.

I hated when the day ended, as if nothing gonna be better than the day. Few hours before I saw him, it seemed to months - after meeting him, as if the time passed in a eye-blink. 

Wish I could spend almost my whole lifetime with him like that, so true, so pure and so blessed. Indeed future is not in our hands. All we can is pray for our together-ness.

- The world and He -

24th August: The birth of a new era in my life. Some moments cherished with him, few struggles won and finally the real moment of being together and forever.

The few things that can't be expressed ... how little things about him attracts me the most:

 1) The way he explains me all the "physics" stuff (though hardly something penetrate into my dull brain :P)

2) The way he handles my stupidity.

3) The way he corrects my English pronunciation.

 4) The way he teaches me Hindi and corrects my Bengali-touched Hindi.

 5) The way he tolerates my typical Bengali habits.

6) The way he looks up to me.

 7) The way he cares for me.

8) The way he says "Miss ya.."

9) The way he dedicates songs to me.

10) The way we wish each other Good morning or Good Night as if morning won't start with his wish or the night wont be peaceful without the wish.

11) The way he looked into my eyes in Mani Square.

12) His childhood pictures ... (most cutest thing ever)

- New Era begins-

Life is a serious temptation sometimes. It lures me time and again. The moment I start thinking with my brain, it compels me to start thinking with my heart. 

This time the temptation for love.

He loved me truly, deeply perhaps purely. I was so blind to see it, so dump to understand it and so selfish to accept it.

When I loved a person life gave me a serious whip lash to make me realize what a big mistake I did. 

But right now the very thing going through my mind is that -

Will he give me a 2nd chance?

Will I be able to treat life smoothly?

Do I deserve to be loved by him?

Indeed I think so much, as many mistakes I did. I was waiting for a new start, a new beginning, a new era and foremost someone whom I can call 'mine' forever. With whom my purity of love, trust and care can grow to eternity.

I spoke a 1000 times that love (in my life) always played a role as a curse. But who knows, may be, God is writing a better love story for me this time. May be He is blessing me this time. 

I'm so very fickle every time. This time its serious love. Getting betrayed which I am tired of, heap of lies and fake promises too. But, don't know how I can read the purity in his eyes. I had never done anything to him that he could trust me but he always stood by me.

Evolving the love - If someone ask me now, what is love to you? I'll blankly look at him. He makes me feel like a princess (although no fairytale are attached) :P

I would be dishonest to myself, if I would say that I'm not curious to know what he wrote in the long note for me on his way back journey to Ajmer. I will be meeting him soon for a movie. I hope I get back whatever I lost one day. Even if I don't, the unconditional love stays forever...

- Searching myself -

I am used to the back-stab.I am used to the lies spoken to me. I am used to feel lonely. I am used to wait fro a new beginning.

But I am NOT used to shed tears.

We, Teenagers, fall in love, get betrayed, cry a million tears and then go back to our usual state. Then again, we carry out the same mistakes again and again till our hearts gets tired to the word called "Love". Ain't it?

We complicate, We compromise, We suffer yet we crave. Love being the biggest curse in my life took the 80% of my peace of mind. Yet I feel I need someone. Oh Jesus! How fickle I am! There is a peculiar thing about my sun sign that says:

The most mystical of the signs and the Pisces girl is aware that an Invisible  world, as a girl she can often feel over-burdened of the restrictions and responsibilities of the practical realities of the life.

The moment I saw this, I smiled back at me. How true this works for me!  
One part of me still tries to convince me that "Prince riding on white horse won't come" ever, but the other part still awaits. I am always fighting and justifying with myself.

From the piles of questions and answers, from the piles of ambiguity and tolerance I search myself, I seek myself and I reform myself. How difficult a journey it is when there is nobody to travel with you, when nobody is there to hold you when you fall and how equally ironic it is when someone is there always for you and you never recognize him. How unjustifiable I am! The search continues ...

- Chained in a dungeon -

I miss those days when I myself ruled my life. But now, my thoughts - thoughts of deception by others rules my mind. Not a single moment I am relaxed, my mind is always pacing and inquisitive.
Why am I restless?
Why am I deceived?
Why am I a victim of deception?
Answers are here -
May be because I trust people easily.
May be because I can be easily entrapped by the emotional words and moved by feeling.
May be because I still have faith in this cruel world who whips me every time to compel me to believe in the truth - the dirty truth of  darkness.

I still struggle to break-free of the thoughts that sometimes makes me insane - and take me to the unbearable state of insanity.
As if someone chained me in a dungeon. As if years I haven't seen sunlight. As if years I haven't spoke to someone or laughed care-free. 
I struggle, scream my lungs out, cry with my tears to disentangle myself from these thoughts, as if I am running away from my own silhouette.
But how far?
How far can a person run from his own shadow?
How far you deceive yourself? How far you can struggle, scream and cry?
One day or the other you are going to give up or bow down or plead for the peace of your own mind.
Struggle wasn't on my mind every-time, all I want is a peaceful state of my mind. It feels as if I am raging a war against myself. I justify and argue, I blame and appreciate and also struggle with myself.
I wonder sometimes, what am I trying to figure out?
The answers of my deception by others? No.
I try to figure out where I went wrong?
Why am I the sufferer? May be because I was once the person tormentor.
But I penalized each and every mistake of myself, rather, whipped myself to bear all the pain pre-arranged to me. Yes, I did suffered in the dungeon of insanity. My struggle, my compulsion and my war failed to break-free me.

So, still now why I am enclosed in the dungeon. I have stopped yelling(probably I have left the hope that someone will listen to me), crying (probably the tears are all dried up) and struggling (probably my hands are numb now). The self-made prison have made me quiet - and sucked up all my feelings & strengths, left me with numbness and darkness. I am alive, but I don't have the desire to love or to-be loved or even unlock myself from this dungeon.

I keep pacing the way life leads me to. I certainly moved on but destined nowhere. My studies surely improved but I lost the happiness of success. I surely approved my self-torment. The torment which can't cause any harm to a numb body. Now, I only desire to reach a safer destination of the materialistic world i.e. be a lawyer and engage myself in sorts of so-called busy schedule. So, I don't need to feel the everlasting pain to lived in the dungeon forever.